How to Discipline your child without spanking?
I am a mother of a eight year old son. Being an elder and like all other mothers, I also want that my son should be a disciplined child.
We always forget that we were not born with this trait. We learn it from our surroundings and our mistakes. But as experienced parents we feel that our child should not do anything or behave in a manner that falls in the undisciplined category.
So, when children don’t listen to us, we have only one way i.e. punishment, which definitely is not the correct way of making our child disciplined. Spanking the child is the first, foremost and the most common immediate reaction of parents when they witness their child indulging in undisciplined acts. In this article I will provide some inputs on how to discipline your child without spanking.
How to Discipline your child without spanking? Understand that Children are Innocent
Yes, dear friends, children are innocent. They don’t know whether their behavior is good or not. That is why children need our love and understanding, and not the spanking, in order to make them disciplined. On the contrary, punishment will make them aggressive, stubborn and escaping their misbehavior and they will never learn disciplined behavior. As most of the mothers too would’ve have noticed that after some time such spanking/punishment makes no difference to an errant child.
How to Discipline your child without spanking? First step is Controlling Yourself
Before you start to discipline your child, you have to discipline yourself. This is what is known as controlling yourself. You cannot expect undisciplined parents to teach discipline to a child. If you find your child undisciplined, then don’t react immediately (read overreact). Be calm. You would be amazed to find that half of the lesson is taught just by controlling yourself, and your children will apply the same technique when they become parents.
Calmly and very politely talk with your child about the result of his/her undisciplined behavior. After all you don’t want to hurt the feelings of your child and damage the relationship. Give him/her time to explain why he/she has shown such undisciplined behavior. You will be amazed by the results. Try it; I have tried it with my sweet little girl. That is why she says she wants to be like her mother!
How to Discipline your child without spanking? Understand your role as the First Teacher
The home is the first school and you are the first teacher for your children. They learn what you teach them. You teach them simple manners like washing hands before taking meals, brushing teeth twice daily, keeping things at their place etc. Make a lot of use of words like thank you, please, sorry etc. All this can be taught with a playful manner and after sometime your children will do these things on their own without reminding.
How to Discipline your child without spanking? Sign Language is important
Children are very adept at understanding their parents’ sign language. They can understand what their parents want them to do. Before spanking your child for any misbehavior, sit next to him/her, have a calm eye contact and hold his/her hand or put your hand around his/her shoulder. Take him/her in confidence and discuss the matter. Tell the child that limits have been outlined his/her betterment.
How to Discipline your child without spanking? Look through your Child’s Perspective
One of my friend’s son once scribbled something while doing his homework and put the book in the bag. When his mother checked the book she was really shocked. But, still she tried to understand why he did it. While chatting with her son she came to know that he is unable to see the text clearly due to a problem in his sight.
Most of us would have had punished our child for such a behavior and therefore would not known the problem being faced by the child. Hence, it is very important to look through your child’s perspective in order to understand him/her. If your child shows some undisciplined behavior, try to understand the reason behind the same. There would definitely be one. The child might be unhappy; would want to say something; is tired or want more of your time. The reasons could be many.
How to Discipline your child without spanking? Let your Child Lead
You should make your child feel responsible and let them take decisions. If you let your child lead, it will instill a sense of responsibility in the child. They will be happy to see that parents trust him/her. The child will take responsible decisions and will behave in disciplined manner.
How to Discipline your child without spanking? Show the Positives in your approach
Children do not want to hear negative answers/thoughts from their parents. So you should always show the positives to your child. If your child asks for something which is okay, in between his/her job, don’t say NO. Say a big YES. “Yes you can do this/get this after completing your job”. Do not say “No, you can’t have it right now”. It will make a great difference in saying the things in a positive way and will help them to be disciplined.
Also, make sure you spend some quality time with your child everyday. In fact, you should yourself become a child with your child in most of the situations. This way you would know what all your child had been through during the day and hence provide a way to correct any unwanted activities. You and your child would become the best of the friends.