How to make my son feel comfortable in presence of girls?
(Submitted by Neeta)
My 14 year old son used to become nervous whenever any of her sister’s friends came to our house. He felt very uncomfortable in presence of girls. Though he wanted to take part in the conversations, but hesitations stopped him. While visiting a shopping mall, if there’d be a sales girl at the counter, he felt quite uneasy dealing with her. Though we had told him many times that there is nothing to feel uncomfortable in presence of girls but he showed obvious discomfort in presence of girls.
I know this is quite natural for some kids to feel shy in presence of girls. But some times it hurts their confidence and self-esteem, especially when his other friends (boys) are pretty normal while interacting with girls. This was making me very tensed and I approached one of my friend who also has a son of the same age. Coincidentally, she had also faced the same problem. She told me the following tips to make my son feel comfortable in presence of girls:
Find out the reason
Be your son’s friend and find out the reason for his unexpected behavior in presence of girls. Is there any particular issue? Although your son would answer “I don’t know” to each of your questions, but this interaction will help you to make him understand that if there is nothing wrong then he should try to be comfortable with girls. You could make him understand that he wouldn’t be able to talk to any girl ever with ease and will be teased by his friends. Will it be okay for him?
Teach some techniques
Educate your son that feeling a bit uncomfortable in presence of girls is not a bad thing, It is OK. In fact, this shows that you respect women. Too much of feeling uncomfortable is not the healthy behavior. You may teach some techniques on how to stop getting nervous in front of girls. Like you may ask him to have deep breaths and remain normal/calm; avoid too much of hand movement while talking with girls; not getting anxious; understand the fact the girls also belong to this planet (you may tell your own example), maintain a good body distance etc.
Think of good things
Ask your son to think of the good things whenever he is about to meet any girl. He should think of the lighter aspects like listening to sweet voice and giggle of a girl. Girls are as important as our other friends are. Friendship with girls helps you to make you good brother, father and husband.
Tell your son to focus on what he wants. Does he want to be happy and free or nervous/scared in presence of girls? Tell him to not to become too conscious of himself about what the girls will think about him. Just freely follow your desire to interact with girls and you will be able to. There is nothing serious while interacting with girls.
Fear of rejection
This is one of the major reasons for any male to feel uncomfortable in the presence of females, a boy or a grown up male. The fear of rejection starts very early in the sexes. Your son may have a feeling of being rejected by a girl. Tell your son that it does not make any difference. On the contrary, assure him he is very capable of interacting with a girl.
Take the first step
Encourage him to take the first step and rest will be fine. Take it one step at a time. You could have a hundred reasons to start a conversation with a girl. It could be as simple as talking about the weather! Slowly your son would get used to it and you wouldn’t have to worry on this aspect.
Seek professional help
Don’t be over anxious! But if you feel that your son is taking too long to get involved with girls of his age in a healthy manner, do not hesitate to seek help from a therapist. Remember, it is last step and not the first one.
Hope this articles helps you in case your son feels shy around girls and is an answer to your question – How to make my son feel comfortable in presence of girls? Feel free to share your suggestions if you have any.